Crying is a shame. Of course, there is no problem with expressing your emotion of being touched or feeling gratitude by crying. I'm talking about crying because you can't find what to say or you are so angry but you can't do anything. It is shameful because it shows that you are weak.
This is the story of the weak person. Last winter vacation, I temporally lived my brother's house in Seoul because where I live was small and countrylike city and I want to escape from there. Life in Seoul was fun and satisfying - except the big fight between me and him.
Actually before the big fight and after I arrived the house there were small conflicts. He didn't consider me as a welcome guest. I can understand that in the way that at that time he had a girlfriend and he was familliar to live alone. However, the house was rented by my parents' money and so I had a right to live there. Most importantly I didn't like him because he was so slothful even though he was supposed to study for really important test, the judicial examination. Those who hate each other living together forewarned a big fight.
He launched the first strike. He said clean up the room pointing out the cloth I didn't hang. I said, "I'm gonna wear it soon so just mind your own business." It truely makes sesne. First, the cloth and the area the cloth was on were completely in my territory, so he dont' have a right to point out. Second, it is better for him to mind his business - he should study his own thing, not nagging. He punched to my stomach, and it really hurted. I didn't punch him back, just used swear words and we quarreld for long, and I was crying. After the fight I packed all my belongings and came to my home.
I really can't stand someone's intruding on my personal space. That's why I was so angry at the fight. How can a person invade other's space by a violence? That's the most thing I can't hold back. However, because he was my older brother, I had to restrain my desire to punch him back. I just had to cry because my emotions were getting extreme and I can't do anything. What a weak person I am. I am, however, satisfied with my decision. If I had avenged on him, I would have not been even a person.
Still I'm not contacting with him. I'm completely generous and so if he apologize I would accept, but I will not apologize first because I didn't do anything wrong and if calculating the right and wrong his wrong is obviously bigger than mine. There is a korean quote saying one who is hitted sleeps stretching out his legs and one who hit can't. Well, I slept stretching out my legs at that day. :P
What a weird person..... You said "crying is a shame." But, in this case, it is not a shame at all. Liked your essay. If you add some more after thoughts maybe this can be a college essay.
답글삭제This was really interesting to me. Even though it's not a college essay, it seems there could be one in here. Even a Catcher in the Rye styled novella about a teenage guy who leaves a small town to live with his brother in the big city. I bet you had a lot of adventures etc. and it could almost be a "coming of age" film by Kim Ki Duk.
답글삭제How old is your brother? How was your relationship before that time? There are details that I want to know, and this story could be much longer and spend more time seeing things from his point of view (could be an interesting exercise?).
It's funny that "clothes on the floor" is the final straw. The fight was probably not about that, but about many things, and maybe your brother vented his frustrations upon you because your his little brother and that's what big brothers sometimes do. What did your parents say?
Anyways, it's good. I think the story is intriguing and could have some college essays in it. Better than the hacking one in many ways.
I always fought with my older sister too.
답글삭제But now we are best friends.
She always called me names and stole my clothes from my closet.
She intruded into my room and farted - which I thought was completely disgusting.
But now that I am in this school and she in UC Berkeley, she contacts me really often that she misses me.
I hope that someday you and your brother can find a peaceful relationship!
Interesting story. Some grammar stuff to polish up but this essay is engaging!
답글삭제I like the structure also! You are a "weak" person, but you restrained yourself from committing acts of violence. Violence cannot be justified in any case (except from self-defense maybe). So maybe you are not so weak after all...
I think the story very interesting because I also have an older brother who's currently preparing for an important test. In my house, I try my best to focus only on my own business and not to touch his; however, I sometimes accidentally intrude into his private sector and don't notice it until he gets angry at me, which is just the opposite of your situation. Considering my situation, I think your experience is what most brothers have to face, but your reaction to it was kind of different from mine, because I end up say sorry first.
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답글삭제I don't think this essay itself is a college essay. But I think you can still use the topic. Crying is a shame, but you had to endure the shame. Put more efforts to emphasize your feeling that you had to put down your anger even though you were so angry.
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답글삭제An interesting anecdote, fun to read :D I think that as others have said, there is material for a college essay in here, as it describes your personalities and ideas about interpersonal relationships. To do this I think that paragraph 5 can be elaborated on more.
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답글삭제I also think the essay is quite interesting... botht the anecdote and the style you have developed it.
답글삭제Especially the introductory part really did grab my attention.
Agreein with Seunchan's comment that you can still use the topic!
Interesting essay. I have an older sister as well so I could sympathize in some way. I think writing about your siblings is a good idea because many people would have felt similar things at some time if they have siblings. Hope things work our peacefully with wour brother.
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